The Week of Rollercoaster Rides

This past Friday, I received a call that my mother was in bad shape.  She has been in an assisted living facility for the past 9 months and was getting stronger every day. She was really enjoying her time there.  On the day I got the call, she was short of breath and had a heart rate of 30.  She was rushed to the ER and the physicians told her that she was in total heart block and really shouldn't be here....they were surprised she was still alive in the condition  she was in. They planned to do an emergency pacemaker procedure, but were concerned that she wouldn't be able to handle the procedure in her state and they didn't want to have to put her under anesthesia because they were even more concerned that she would have difficulty coming off of a vent if that needed to occur in the process. 
She asked for our Pastor and was basically saying Goodbye because things looked dire.  She had a DNR order which means that if she goes into cardiac or respiratory arrest, she wouldn't be attended to as if she had a code status and they wouldn't do drastic measures to bring her back.  It was a time where my mother, brother and I spent time in the ER room preparing for the worst, but knowing that my mom said she was ready to go Home if it was time and we gave her 'permission' to do so.  It was difficult, but it was also such a beautifully vulnerable time that my family doesn't do vulnerability and transparency very well. She made us promise that we would let her go if it was time and she was sent off to surgery.
Everything went very well. They didn't need to put her under anesthesia and she recovered well from the procedure. We felt blessed that this was not an issue anymore and that she tolerated the interventions that needed to occur.  We spent the AM at the hospital with her and left in the afternoon to catch up on things and prepare for family pictures for our son's senior Homecoming.  My brother and sister-in-law came over and we were taking pictures with our son and his girlfriend.  We were having fun and taking silly pics


 when my phone rang.  The nurse told me my Mom's heart had stopped and she had stopped breathing, but he was able to get it restarted by doing a 'sternal rub', but he needed to be sure that they were not to revive her.  So as we were taking pics, my mom was not breathing....I needed to tell the nurse on the phone that he was not to revive her if this happened again.  It killed me to say it, but we had promised mom that we would honor her wishes. She was ready.  She knows Jesus and isn't afraid to die.  She was ready if it was time. 
Thankfully they were able to maintain her and it was found that it was an issue with the pacemaker that was inserted the day before, so they revised her DNR status and made her a 'full code' in case she had issues again. They had to take her in for emergency procedure to see what exactly was going on and insert a temporary pacemaker.  She tolerated this surgery very well and went into recovery again with the plan to have another surgery on Monday. This would have to be done with anesthesia and had a risk, so they planned to have Cardio-thoracic surgeons available and on standby.  This surgery went well and she came off of the ventilator very well. She had no problem at all tolerating this. She was transferred to a rehab unit in the hospital and will remain there for a few weeks. 
I am so thankful she is still with us.  I am thankful that we had that vulnerable, honest time that we had in the ER.  The moments that we cried together and prepared ourselves to say goodbye to our mother on this side of Heaven.  Maybe that is what that rollercoaster is supposed to be.  I am thankful that she is still with us and I plan to appreciate the time we all have left with her.